Allow me to introduce myself....

This blog is dedicated to me, is all about me, and geared towards me...sounds egotistical I know, but really its not or is it. I want to get to know me, people who know me, and those that want to get to know me. I want to learn more about how I am perceived by family and friends and even those that aren't. I know everyone has thought about it, now I'm just admitting it. I don't have this hidden agenda, not trying to sell anything, or be famous. I have come across blogs that say less and some that have way more meaning to many. I'm thinking this can be some free therapy, an online diary, only this time it doesn't come with the little lock and key. No HIDING this time. I laugh and say , just like everyone else, that "In 09" I'm going to be better, but some of that is true. See 09 begins the last year of my 20's and I'm feeling alittle self reflective and I don't wanna keep dragging around negative traits that are hurting my loved ones and disabling me from being the best to myself and those around me. I want to be a better, friend, daughter, granddaughter, niece, aunt, godmother, dtudent ha student,(that would be the one word I misspell, I had to leave it) teacher, worker, cousin, girlfriend, lover, and servant.

I will start by introducing myself to the known and unknown, single, 28 year old African American female, no kids, working in social services.
I'm creative, stubborn, funny, loud, caring, giving, cute, spontaneous, great communicator, and bad at communicating, misunderstood, resourceful, sarcastic, mean, loving, passionate, girlie, sensitive, motherly, nagger, fair, love to travel, cook, read, learn, listen(at times), inpatient, in love with the thoughts of love, and flirtatious. I don't mind being Alone, but hate Abandonment...... I curse alot and smile alot, pray alot and worry alot (every time I remind myself to do one or the other), hate that I'm the only one saying sorry, secretive, spoiled to a point, wish I was nicer, feel ownership over my favorite songs and sometimes artist,(everyone don't respect them like I do), delete numbers and re-add them{sometimes}. I give money to the homeless, don't know if I'm feeding a habit or hunger, either way its not for me to judge. On the other hand I can be judgemental, empathetic, bare the weight of the world on my shoulders. Sometimes, some rap songs make me feel like a thug. I can be a priceless combo of "hood"and "suburban" with a side of old lady. Sometimes I stay broke, and hate growing up, but I don't wanna be a kid, I know confusing, that's because I'm complicated, sincere, and real as I can be. I fight hard and love even harder, when given the chance. When loved ones hurt me I care, when others do, I move on. I know when to walk, and cut people off, don't know if that's good or bad. I have the gift and the curse to be able to influence others. I put too much pressure on myself. I like to entertain and be innovative, i love to read, I love praises, I miss having a Daddy in the home, and at 28 I'm just realizing that. I wanna be successful in a relationship, but try to avoid getting into them. I will work hard at being a good mother, but I don't have thoughts of my own children. Fell in love twice, I think, maybe it was the idea of it and oh it was with the same person. I think I would rather grown in love. Seems like if you fall in love you can fall out quick and you hurt yourself to bad(falling is never good). I'm thinking its harder to grow out of love when its the right person, and you can never have too much growth, hey I don't know just a thought. MY favorite season is fall, and secretly planned portions of my wedding recently, which the jury is still out on if we want it to occur. Never was the kid planning one though, but loved to play house and always had a husband named Todd. I'm a nerd, Gemini, loyal, crazy, helpful, hard worker, procrastinator, sassy, like to switch when I walk especially in heels, makes you feel like a woman, self-confidant, different, sharer, dislike selfish people, like to be fly, a DREAMER, and scary. I can be a lame and prude, great dancer, and writer. I have a serious side and a funny side and sometimes they switch with each other with no notice. No I'm not bipolar. I resent my sister most of the times, but love her kids too death. I need to learn how to let go, and not try to fix everything. I wish my family was closer and wish I wasn't the responsible one all the times. I give too many chances, and expect too much from people, I keep my word, and will go to the end of the earth for my loved ones. i have dated people off the net, and the streets, they are all crazy ;P...well so am I. I like to be quiet and have me time, much to everyone's surprise. Can build and fix things with my hands, think I can do anything, but sometimes wont put in the effort, lack follow through at times, much to my dismay, Learning more about my self everyday. I don't like to argue, but do it anyway, Love poetry, I still can't ride a bike with no hands, I love shopping, to cuddle, hug, kiss, cry, and LAUGH. Oil-and-water combination of ambition, laziness, insecurity, certainty, and drive." I'm a slave to the music. That's some of the good, the bad and ugly......but that's ME!