Reflecting on the women in my Life

well I was having this conversation with Erykah Badu...no really trust me its true, ok I left her a message and she finally wrote back, but she responded, so that means we were chatting. Well, it made me even more in awe of her, I just wanted to sit down, drink tea, burn incenses, and work in the lab with her lol lab, see yeah feeling more intune with her already. I would make sure i wrote down every quote or saying that she said, because you know she got if from one of her southern aunties, or (grand)mother, I know crazy right, man I hope she don't let me down. Remember I am a true Dreamer. {Don't Judge Me} But have you ever met that person who seems to always say the right things at the right times or makes their own paths without your permission and never needs your approval. She is one of those people to me, I think my admiration for her is because she makes no excuses for who she is, wild hairstyles, funky clothes, loud jewelry, dope beats, classic lines, she is on her own planet and she lets us visit through her music. I feel the same way about Jill Scott. Smooth as can be, I think the lady is so regal, classic, beautiful, humble, and carries a quiet strength that does not go unnoticed Not to mention that both women are very spiritual and talented as well. I often wish I could be in their presence and learn, and create with them, well its never to late. Its funny because I never had these celebrity admiration's growing up, I was a more realistic kid when it came to heroes, admiring my 4th grade teacher Ms. Hill. She was the first lady in my life other than my mom that I wanted to be like when I grew up. She was stern, loving, smart, and she pushed us like crazy. She made us work, so we could play harder later, and I never forgot that. That whole conversation with Badu, {It was a conversation}made me want more women like that in my life. The ones who you would have never thought you could learn something from and others who are so bad they don't have to utter a word and you know it. Then I thought how foolish of me to forget the Gems in my life now. So this is an ode to them.

• To my Mom for always helping everyone, and for being one of those parents who was able to instill that healthy fear in this child, so that she only needed one whooping to know who was the boss.


• My grandmother for getting on my nerves and teaching me so much all at the same time. It amazes me how she can forget my age, but remember that sock hop party down to a T, what she was wearing, and who said what, and who she was talking to, and dancing with.....LOL


• My cousin Irene for always being a lady, and hardworking mother.


• To my sister who has the gift of having the most beautiful and healthy children ever.


• To Meghan for being one kick ass friend, for being the conscience of the group, it amazes me what the girl won't do, vs. what she will. For sharing her family with me, laughing with me about nothing and everything all at the same time. For being one of the best traveling buddies ever, and never remembering nothing when I need her to. I'm in awe of how she just lets some stuff roll off her back, I will keep trying maybe one day.
  


• To Latrese oh, sweet Latrese, lol....for your effortless sense of humor, some don't appreciate it, but I love how you don't have to try. For accomplishing some of your dreams. Thank you for being more stubborn than me. Again one good traveling buddy, your stubbornness can get in the way, but you know "LA ME LA" for life. Thanks for being down for whatever 95% of the time. I also love the fact that you don't have a pblm working or hustling, every since 7th grade. Some people don't know this but I think she is one of the smartest people I know, she doesn't let everybody see that side of her....lmbo, no really she is sometimes.
  


• Katyana, for being the other piece to the traveling crew, lets keep this party going. Thanks for sharing your family, they are mine now. Kudos for always taking care of everyone even when you don't want to. You do things that I wish people would have the nerve to ask me. I give you props for always getting to the front of the line, yall should see her in action. And for not caring who you give the bizness to in public to strangers it don't matter.
  


• Erica, thanks for being my favorite Jessica Simpson fan, I love you girl, the best mother ever and one of the best bullies I know. Don't let her stature fool you she gets down.
  


• Sharrell, my lambchop, you are one of the best nice/nasty people I have ever met, oh don't get me wrong its a gift you have. Where I come in with the punch (written all over my face), you sneak in with the trip that they never saw coming. A gift!!! I love your diligence, and your persistence in whatever it is. Thank you too for sharing your family and church family, you already know.
  


• Toya, Ms. MiMI,Mrs. Carter, thank you for being the one to call me out, and hold me accountable. I love your ride or die chick attitude, mixed in with your intelligence, its lethal. Your friendship is priceless. I enjoy the connections we have, even with you being miles and miles away. I also could never figure out how you could talk to any and everybody, like I told you before you would talk to a dog if it answered back. But that gift has brought light into so many peoples lives. You always amaze me with how many questions you can ask, I would say its a gift, but only if you worked for the FBI.
  


• Ms. Tonya, thank you my favorite Atype friend, I know I make fun of you but you bring a sense of structure in my life, I know where everything is going to be and go, like you always have a comb when i need it. I admire your ability to be non judgemental, that is truly a gift because I don't know how you didn't laugh at "stockings and jeans."{Yes this girl had on white stockings and jeans} Tonya said nothing!!! A gift I tell ya. Just being around you makes me wanna be better! lastly for having every intention to hang out, but always end up blinking first.
  


• Lakesha, for being a true saint on earth, and a never ending supporter and true big sister.
  


• April, AJ, another one yall don't know about, I love how you can fool everyone to make them think your quite. Thanks for making me look like the nice one, you don't take no stuff and I have learned from the best. Thanks for giving me the best college roommate ever and I am so glad we shared NY together, wouldn't have had it any other way.
  


• Amnieh for being one of the youngest old ladies I know. You have always carried yourself as a lady and that is refreshing in this day. You showed me how you can crack a whip and let your hair down and I'm so glad we have it on film.
  


• Crystal, thanks for being my little sister. I'm impressed by how great a mother you are, keep it up. You are also a fighter in a good way. Also I can appreciate that you like a good party as much as I do.
  


• Chrishanda, oh Chris thanks for being you and for your ability to tell a good story, or what you like to call the truth. I admire that skill, and your enthusiasm for your Christ Choir.

• Treese-Robin to my new cousin, thanks for always making me feel like I belong, your kindness and your work ethics are not normal. I love being able to enjoy and experience the fruits of your labors, or just any ole good time with you. YOU ROCK

• Lamia, my biggest cheerleader no everybody's biggest cheerleader, you have a gift of being able to hype anyone and anything up, talented I tell ya. i admire that and your creativity is so unique. You go classy lady. Don't let the sweet voice fool ya, she will protect her set.
  


• Eraina, thanks for being the strongest parent I have met thus far, and I admire your eagerness for learning, and being the dopest Ivy league chic I know.
  


• Ms. Barber(Lambchops mom), thank you for your unconditional love and for being an unshakable worshiper. For being a lady at all times and going after your dreams, and being a great mother. I love the fact that you are a Christian with a sense of humor, that makes you real.
  


• Granny (lamb chops grandmother) thanks for being the best HUGGER this side of the Mason/Dixon Line. Thank you for loving everybody and showing what constant prayer, redemption, unconditional love, and faith look like in a the human form.
  


• Ms. Birge, thanks for being one regal lady, and showing how one supports family unconditionally.
  

I'm not a internationally known celebrity....yet, so my meetings with Badu, and Scott, and Jada, and Michelle O, will just have to be postponed. Until then, I will continue to be thankful for the women in my current circle and praise and recognize the greatness, fierceness, and all of their good bad and ugly. All my ladyloves are awesome I admire, adore, and love them, my friends and family A.K.A. my LOCAL Celebrities. This too was all apart of learning to appreciate my life in the present and like the saying/rap lyric goes the Present is a GIFT. Thanks to all my PRESENT Gifts.....

Overwhelmed with JOY

Just got finished watching the Concert for our New Prez, and I felt like a proud Mama, I saw that hope and hard work pay off, I saw the loving family, not just a black family, which by the way was special in its self, but the love of a working family. A man that is proud and strong enough to have a strong women by his side and in his corner and make no apologizes for it, and nor those she. I hope to have that delicate balance of strength and humbleness in my life one day, one day soon. I'm hopeful that the concert is a snippet of what life in America will become, I know it wont be over night, but if a few minds are changed, enlightened, and enhanced then its already better. if people have let go of limitations and self built walls, then we are moving in the right direction. I'm excited that I'm putting my own thoughts and dreams in to action, one baby step at a time, and slowly letting go of some of my fears. Yes, I too began building my own walls of limitations and had a crew of naysayer's living and working in my head. Thanks to this economy, and election, the layoffs begin in my mind, naw I'm just firing fools, with no hopes of reempolyment or unemployment benefits. Its hard work to self motivate, and even harder to ask for others to assist. I'm genuinely happy right now, despite what my circumstances are, and that feels good. Obama in 09, about DAMN time...

Allow me to introduce myself....

This blog is dedicated to me, is all about me, and geared towards me...sounds egotistical I know, but really its not or is it. I want to get to know me, people who know me, and those that want to get to know me. I want to learn more about how I am perceived by family and friends and even those that aren't. I know everyone has thought about it, now I'm just admitting it. I don't have this hidden agenda, not trying to sell anything, or be famous. I have come across blogs that say less and some that have way more meaning to many. I'm thinking this can be some free therapy, an online diary, only this time it doesn't come with the little lock and key. No HIDING this time. I laugh and say , just like everyone else, that "In 09" I'm going to be better, but some of that is true. See 09 begins the last year of my 20's and I'm feeling alittle self reflective and I don't wanna keep dragging around negative traits that are hurting my loved ones and disabling me from being the best to myself and those around me. I want to be a better, friend, daughter, granddaughter, niece, aunt, godmother, dtudent ha student,(that would be the one word I misspell, I had to leave it) teacher, worker, cousin, girlfriend, lover, and servant.

I will start by introducing myself to the known and unknown, single, 28 year old African American female, no kids, working in social services.
I'm creative, stubborn, funny, loud, caring, giving, cute, spontaneous, great communicator, and bad at communicating, misunderstood, resourceful, sarcastic, mean, loving, passionate, girlie, sensitive, motherly, nagger, fair, love to travel, cook, read, learn, listen(at times), inpatient, in love with the thoughts of love, and flirtatious. I don't mind being Alone, but hate Abandonment...... I curse alot and smile alot, pray alot and worry alot (every time I remind myself to do one or the other), hate that I'm the only one saying sorry, secretive, spoiled to a point, wish I was nicer, feel ownership over my favorite songs and sometimes artist,(everyone don't respect them like I do), delete numbers and re-add them{sometimes}. I give money to the homeless, don't know if I'm feeding a habit or hunger, either way its not for me to judge. On the other hand I can be judgemental, empathetic, bare the weight of the world on my shoulders. Sometimes, some rap songs make me feel like a thug. I can be a priceless combo of "hood"and "suburban" with a side of old lady. Sometimes I stay broke, and hate growing up, but I don't wanna be a kid, I know confusing, that's because I'm complicated, sincere, and real as I can be. I fight hard and love even harder, when given the chance. When loved ones hurt me I care, when others do, I move on. I know when to walk, and cut people off, don't know if that's good or bad. I have the gift and the curse to be able to influence others. I put too much pressure on myself. I like to entertain and be innovative, i love to read, I love praises, I miss having a Daddy in the home, and at 28 I'm just realizing that. I wanna be successful in a relationship, but try to avoid getting into them. I will work hard at being a good mother, but I don't have thoughts of my own children. Fell in love twice, I think, maybe it was the idea of it and oh it was with the same person. I think I would rather grown in love. Seems like if you fall in love you can fall out quick and you hurt yourself to bad(falling is never good). I'm thinking its harder to grow out of love when its the right person, and you can never have too much growth, hey I don't know just a thought. MY favorite season is fall, and secretly planned portions of my wedding recently, which the jury is still out on if we want it to occur. Never was the kid planning one though, but loved to play house and always had a husband named Todd. I'm a nerd, Gemini, loyal, crazy, helpful, hard worker, procrastinator, sassy, like to switch when I walk especially in heels, makes you feel like a woman, self-confidant, different, sharer, dislike selfish people, like to be fly, a DREAMER, and scary. I can be a lame and prude, great dancer, and writer. I have a serious side and a funny side and sometimes they switch with each other with no notice. No I'm not bipolar. I resent my sister most of the times, but love her kids too death. I need to learn how to let go, and not try to fix everything. I wish my family was closer and wish I wasn't the responsible one all the times. I give too many chances, and expect too much from people, I keep my word, and will go to the end of the earth for my loved ones. i have dated people off the net, and the streets, they are all crazy ;P...well so am I. I like to be quiet and have me time, much to everyone's surprise. Can build and fix things with my hands, think I can do anything, but sometimes wont put in the effort, lack follow through at times, much to my dismay, Learning more about my self everyday. I don't like to argue, but do it anyway, Love poetry, I still can't ride a bike with no hands, I love shopping, to cuddle, hug, kiss, cry, and LAUGH. Oil-and-water combination of ambition, laziness, insecurity, certainty, and drive." I'm a slave to the music. That's some of the good, the bad and ugly......but that's ME!